Saturday, April 6, 2013

HAWMC Day 6: Dear Lymphoma!

Dear Lymphoma,

Where do I even begin? For longer than I would have ever wanted you derailed my entire life. To some extent you still do but in a different way.

When you finally reared your ugly head I was terrified! Although there are sure fire ways to get rid of you nothing is ever 100%! You came in and setup shop right on my spine. Although then again maybe that was just the comfy spot that you found and decided you liked because I actually have no idea where you came from. I can however guess based on all the marks you left all over my body.  But there you sat on my spine being your happy little self and just started to spread. You put my through excruciating pain for months trying to take up even more room.

Then I got the news of just how much you wanted to stay and what it would take to get rid of you. Aside from the pain that was the worst part. I was going to loose not only the hair on my head but all of my hair...eyebrows, eyelashes and nose hair included. I was going to be sick, feel tired, have mouth sores, things were going to taste different if I was even going to be able to eat them, I was going to be tired, I was going to be more vulnerable to other infections/diseases. That wasn't even the worst part I was going to have to put my entire life as I knew it on hold to deal with you with the possibility of this lovely experience affecting my furture of having children.

I was 27 years old! recently married and although I may not have been the best at taking care of myself I certainly never expected to see you!

I did in fact loose all my hair, I was SO tired all the time but that didn't really matter because the treatment took away my ability to be around other people or do anything so I guess being tired made it easier to miss out on a lot of things. The one thing that had always made me feel better; food; didn't even have the comfort it normally did because all the medication to get rid of you changed the way things tasted. But I was lucky enough to have mild side effects of nausea and mouth sores which was a plus and I never did get any other infections or illnesses so that way I was able to keep my treatment right on track.

Oh yea and I forgot to mention my ABSOLUTE least favorite thing about you setting up shop on my spine the intrathecal chemotherapy. So I have this massive lymphoma tumor on my spine and now I have to get medication injected directly into my spine to make sure you don't spread your way into there...UGH!!

BUT despite all that I made it through and you my dear where forced out and completely gone by the time this was all done and you have not returned!

However there is some good that came from your impromptu visit I have started taking better care of myself, I have learned a lot more about myself too. That there are so many things that I can do that I thought I never could, that there are amazing people out there that are kind and nice and want nothing more than to help mankind (I happen to be one of those people as well), but certainly not last that I have to accept what happens, figure out a plan to change it for the better, work hard to accomplish that plan and then constantly move forward in life!

You were and will always be an unwelcome guest in my life. You came to be way too early but you taught a whole lot too. I just hope that we never meet again!



  1. I loved reading your letter to your disease, not because I love that you have/had lymphoma (aw, hells no!), but because of the last two paragraphs. I am currently liveing with NED (breast cancer) and I, too, hope we never meet again.
    I am inspired by your strength, and courage and your willingness to share.
    I saw so much of myself in your last two paragraphs. If I am ever in MA, I am looking you up, and we are going to do something we never thought we could.
    Be well.

  2. Here's the link for my Day 15 post: